Why Caregiving Can Be Difficult

 Take it from me, working as a CNA has never been and will never be easy. I was a junior in high school, working 6pm to 6am on Friday night, going to a Speech and Debate tournament all day on Saturday, and then going back to work on Sunday night, only to clock out and drive straight to school Monday morning. I was working on my research paper at 3am while all my call lights were off, and doing homework assignments during my 4am lunch break. And worst of all, I am the sleepiest person you will ever encounter. Prior to working as a night CNA, I had never pulled an all-nighter. You will never catch me staying up late doing schoolwork, or waking up early to go to the gym. Sleep is (was) non-negotiable for me. 


I had a patient who asked me how old I was, and I told him I was 16 years old in high school. He said, “Wow, that’s badass.” At that moment, I felt proud of myself. I was the badass 16 year old CNA who was juggling it all so well. From school to work to home to my other job, I was doing it all. That feeling lasted about five days. My sleep schedule was horrendous, I couldn’t stay awake in class, I was getting chills all the time, my hair was falling out, and I was on the verge of a burnout that would probably take years of rest to come out of. Even though I only worked on weekends, every time I would come home from school throughout the week, I would crash and sleep for over 14 hours a night just to compensate for the sleep I was losing over the weekend. The funniest part is, I don’t remember a lot of it, because oftentimes, I would have a friend drive me to school after a CNA shift and all of a sudden it would be the end of the day and she was driving me home. I lost track of time and I started seeing things as I nodded in and out of sleep. 


Caregiving is not difficult because of the nature of the work. I believe we all have a compassionate side in us, a side that enjoys caring for others and being the person they can rely on. The hard part of caregiving is balancing the weight of your life with the weight of someone else’s. During those 12 hours, you are as responsible for the life of someone else as you are for your own. That pressure to perform well with so much responsibility is what makes this job difficult. It is physically and mentally taxing, but it is also one of the most incredible learning experiences. Being a CNA humbled me, and it also grounded me in a way that no other job could have.  


Sometimes I look back on it and ask myself why I did it. Why did I pour so much of my time and my livelihood into something that was taking such a toll on me? The reality is, I didn’t know what passion was until I started working as a CNA. I got addicted to the feeling of being important in someone’s life, and I fell in love with the idea of being the difference between a patient being able to do something and a patient being restricted from doing something. My mom always told me that love is sacrifice, and I never believed it. But I didn’t know what it meant to love someone until I sacrificed my time for them. Yes, the timing was wrong. I should have waited to start working until I knew I could manage my time better. But the lessons I learned from the night shift were ahead of their time, and I am grateful to have acquired that knowledge as early as I did. 

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